But why him? -Phan- Part 6

“What’s so wrong with Phil anyway?”

“It doesn’t matter. He‘s just not my type”

There was a small silence between them then. PJ shifted in his seat slightly as he kept his eyes on Dan from his place across the table. They’d decided to catch up over drinks, which of course now seemed like a terrible idea. Nothing had changed between them. The nature of their relationship was still the same, but- there was just this small feeling of awkwardness in the air.

“What is your type then? I mean, Phil is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever seen”

“He’s just not the one I’ve been waiting for…you know that Peej”

PJ sighed softly, taking a sip of his drink before looking back at this friend. “How do you know he’s not the right guy if you don’t even give him a chance”

“But-”

“Look, I’m not saying he is that person but…you’ve got to at least give him a shot. This must be hurting him as much as it’s hurting you”

“But how could it be hurting him. He’s the one who wanted to marry me”

“Dan…don’t you get it. He agreed to this to help your family. I bet he’s hurting just as much as you are”

Dan tried desperately to try think of a comeback or at least what to say next but his head went blank. He knew he was being incredibly selfish in not giving Phil a chance. But honestly, he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay wrapped up in his perfect little world that one day a guy would come and sweep him off his feet. He wanted his happy ever after. He just wanted it so badly.

Dan heard PJ sigh again. Their eyes met as Dan tried to open his mouth to say something, but just closed it again and looked down at the table.

“You’re way too picky Dan. You really should be glad that a boy is showing you some attention”

“I am not picky. So what if I haven’t dated everyone who’s looked at me. I would have just been wasting my time if I did. It’s gonna happen like in those stories. I’ll meet him and I’ll just know. I know it’s gonna happen like that, it has too”

“Life isn’t a fairytale Dan. What kind of guy is the right one anyway?”

“I don’t know…”

“Exactly” PJ smiled, gently laying his hand on top of Dan’s for only a second to try give him some sort of comfort “If you don’t know who the right guy is, then how do you know it isn’t Phil?”

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“Have you made the marriage official then”

“Dad!”

“Well, have you?”

Dan tried to keep calm as his fathers voice rang in his ears. Of course his dad would phone him to talk about something like this. After their argument the other day about the nature of his and Phil’s marriage. Dan haven’t really wanted to talk to his dad. He felt rather betrayed. Like he was just some cheap whore being sold off for a little extra money. Because when it came down to it, that’s all Dan must have meant if John could just give away his son for inheritance money.

“Of course not” Dan basically shouted into the phone as he sat down on his bed with a thump. To say he was annoyed was a major understatement.

“You’re going to have to or-”

“Or what? You’ll get your precious inheritance money taken away. Is money really such a big deal to you that you have to ruin my life and make me sleep with someone against my will just so you can have some”

“Dan, that’s not-”

“Is it not how it is? Then tell me, how is it?”

“Daniel, we need this money. You might not understand now, but we need it” there was a small pause before John spoke again “If the attorney finds out that you and Phil’s relationship isn’t real, they’ll no doubt find a fault and take away everything. We really do need that money, trust me when I say that”

“How are they gonna found out exactly. You’re worrying over nothing. Look, I won’t tell them if you don’t, but I’m not sleeping with him. Isn’t it enough that your ruining my life without forcing me to be some fucking prostitute”

Dan hadn’t meant that. Of course he hadn’t he was annoyed and it just came out. He thought about apologising as the silence dragged on. Obviously he’d shocked his farther. He’d shocked himself to be honest. He didn’t know why he was acting like such a spoiled brat.

“Dad, I-”

“I’m going to talk to Phil about this”

“No. dad, wait-”

“Goodbye Dan”

Dan held his ear to the phone for a couple more seconds as he heard the line go dead and silence fill the room. He groaned quietly before flopping back onto the bed, staring at the dull ceiling. Why did he always have to mess everything up?

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“Dan? I’m home”

Dan didn’t want to face him. He knew it was stupid and childish but he didn’t want anymore confrontation for today. He knew his dad would have talked to Phil already. That just gave him all the more reason to ignore Phil.

“Dan?”

Dan had to face him didn’t he?

“Yeah, be down in a sec”

He quickly got off his bed, looking himself over in the mirror. He looked okay, he guessed. Not that it really mattered. He was only seeing Phil, not his prince charming.

“Did you…did my dad talk to you?”

“…Yeah, he came to see me earlier today”

“Did he…”

“…Yeah”

Silence fell upon them as they just stared at each other. Dan wanted desperately to just tell Phil not to worry about it but the words were stuck in his throat. He just stared and wished he would stop being such a kid and start acting like an adult. And adult who could say what they felt and not have this whole awkward atmosphere.

“Dan-”

“I’m sorry” and although he knew he really should stay he just couldn’t. He couldn’t face Phil to talk about this. Being angry at his dad was one thing, but being like this with Phil. He couldn’t do that. He liked Phil. Phil wasn’t the problem here, it wasn’t really his fault they were in this situation, was it?

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As time passed the pain got worse. It was supposed to get better, yet he still felt like this. Phil knew that it was supposed to hurt at first, but not now. He sighed as he traced his fingers over the photograph in his hands. Why did it have to be this way? All he wanted was to be happy in life, but that didn’t happen. Phil thought when he was younger he would settle down with someone and have a happily family. And sure he did settle down, but it was never that simple. He had to laugh about it really. He knew exactly how Dan felt about this whole arranged marriage thing, since his own father had arranged his when we was only sixteen. Married to a man you don’t know just because your fathers were in business together. It was stupid really. It was stupid for Phil to fall in love with him, but it happened. He fell in love with a boy who he could never have. And of course, it was happening with Dan now.

Phil wanted to try his best to make Dan love him. To be happy with Dan and to have that family with him.

He didn’t notice he was crying until the tears dripped onto the picture. The tears slipped off the smooth surface of the photograph and onto the floor. He tried to wipe his eyes but the tears just kept flowing. Why did this have to happen to him? He just wanted someone to love him, but no one ever loved him like he wanted.

The only person to love him…they were gone now. On the outside he appeared to be happy. But he wasn’t. He was the furthest thing from it.

A small sob escaped his lips as he crumbled to his knees, crumpling the picture slightly as he curled up his fist. The pain only got worse the more he thought about it. Why couldn’t he just be happy?

The pain was unbearable, but he knew Dan could change that.